5 Things You Can Do That Drive Him Wild

Statistics show that 92.795% of the time you're in the checkout line at a grocery store, you'll notice magazines such as Cosmo with cover stories titled something very similar to the title of this post. What they don't tell you up front is that these articles are essentially worthless.

What? Seventeen magazine changed your life with it's 32 Ways to Tell if He's into You article? Well good, you spent $4.99 on something you could've learned by, I don't know, not being a 12-year-old. The signs are obvious if you're looking for them.

But, since I'm a generous guy, I decided to make a little cheat sheet for the ladies out there who aren't quite as, shall we say, adept at attracting the less fair sex.

5 Things You Can Do That Drive Him Wild

5. Carry Yourself
The way a woman walks speaks volumes to her personality. A man can sometimes tell just by the way she crosses a room whether or not he'll be getting her number. If you want him to ask for your number, the best approach is to cross the room at a leisurely pace. If you're running, he may assume that you have slightly more pressing issues at the moment, and we all know that thought's just not conducive to getting his attention, except in the "Oh my, she must be a volunteer firefighter who just got a call about a four-alarm fire in a two-story house" way.

4. Dress to Kill
That black slinky number that's been in your closet for too long? Get that out and dust it off. It's going to work for you tonight. He'll never notice you unless you wear something that shows off each and every one of your curves. Unless of course you wore something else. Anything else. He'd probably just as easily notice you in a baggy sweatshirt and athletic shorts after you went for a run, but spend $150 on an outfit you'll only wear once. It'll help, I swear.

3. Play Make (-Up) Believe
You've heard that the key to applying makeup is to make yourself look more natural. Make yourself look more natural. Right. The goal is the exact opposite of natural. Have a pimple? Use some concealer. Oh, but then you need to use blush to balance the rest of your face. Better darken the mascara to even things out. Some dark lipstick to touch it up, and voila. We're done. Hopefully by now you look nothing like yourself. That's what he likes.

2. Smile
You're never fully dressed without a smile. If your smile doesn't look like it was painted on by Michelangelo himself, chances are he won't give you a second look. Or a third. Or a forth. Or... wait, why's he still looking even though I keep glaring at him?

1. Don't be Dead
I'm going to be honest here. The other points were all complete lies. We just need to sell the magazine. All you really have to do to get a guy's attention is not be dead. Guys don't really notice corpses unless they're responsible for embalming them.

Well, there it is. The cards on the table. The only thing you need to do is, well, nothing. He's going to notice you pretty much no matter what you do or don't do. My point isn't that you shouldn't try, you should. My point is that guys are wired to have this reaction "what? female? where? is she single?" no matter what you do anyway, so give yourself a break. Then maybe we can too.