Four Reasons Why Cuddling Is Manly

I think over time, cuddling has been demasculated. Like a pet whose owners have taken Bob Barker's advice, cuddling has become a facsimile of what it once was. In my mind, this just won't do. It's time to take back the good name of cuddling, men.

How can we do that, exactly? Can we put up fliers saying "Men Cuddle Too"? Or would it work to start a grassroots movement where we send body pillows to other men across the globe? After all, one of the first steps to cuddling a real human is to cuddle something designed to take the place of one. Well, whatever our methods, I think it's important to point out some reasons that cuddling is probably the most masculine of sports.

1. People
To start off, I think it's important to point out that the gender of the people participating in an activity generally determines the activity gender. Think sports. When men play basketball, it's men's basketball. When women play soccer, it's women's soccer. When men do gymnastics... What? You can't tell me that's just my childhood. Okay, fine. Regardless, if a man's involved in the cuddling, it can't be all feminine. And if it's two men... well, that's a different discussion.


2. Animals
When I think of cuddling and what other type of embrace it is similar to, I think of the bear hug. You wrap your arms around tight and hold on for dear life. Cuddling's a lot like that, only for more extended periods of time. Had it been more like a rabbit hug or a pink unicorn hug, then we could question its masculinity.

3. Silverware
One major form of cuddling is what us youngsters call "spooning." If you can't figure out why exactly we call it that, go to your silverware drawer and do a little searching around. See what you come up with. Anyway, the point is, while there's nothing inherently masculine about a spoon, there's nothing about a spoon that seems to deter men, so we'll check another tally on the "cuddling is manly" side.

4. Woodsmen
It's a well known fact that if you're lost in the wilderness, the best way to survive is to share body heat with fellow directionally impaired folk. I dare you, in fact, I double dog dare you to go tell a 200-pound man clad head to toe in flannel carrying an axe that you don't think his survival technique is manly enough.

Well, I think we've covered enough for one day. Remember, cuddling is the movement.