A Whole New Way of Dating

Good news, readers. You, my faithful audience, are the first to hear about my book deal. I have no ideas other than what will be shared in this post and the publisher is actually just the Kinko's across the street from Walmart, but besides that, amazing things are happening with this. I've Photoshopped a cover that I'm putting up along with the post. You can decide if you think it'll sell.

Here's the idea. I'm going to propose a new way of dating. A re-imagination, if you will. It will be combine all of the best parts of dating with all the best parts of something so similar to dating, I'm surprised we missed it until now - volleyball.

Here are just a few of the many topics to be covered in this sure to be best-seller, but hold on, this ride could be a little bumpy.

1. Warm-ups
The one thing I've always felt was missing from the dating scene was warm-ups. I would feel a whole lot more comfortable with my opening line ("Um, wow, you look like, really good tonight. Not that you don't look good every night, because you do. I mean, I guess I don't see you every night, but if I did, I'm sure you'd look good all the time"). Maybe if I ran a few drills and did a few verbal calisthenics before I went out, I wouldn't have been aced on the very first serve.

2. Encouragement
Volleyball has something that, to my knowledge, no other sport possesses. After each and every play, regardless of which team got the point or who took that last spike to the face, there's a coming together of the players on the court and they do a little cheer and possibly slap each other on the butt. Although I'm not sure how I'd feel if someone "good gamed" me during a date, I do like the idea of knowing that 5 other people will huddle around me and tell me to "forget about that last play and focus on the next one" if I accidentally add an extra R to the word best.

3. Substitutions
Let's face it, there are times where you just need to throw in the towel. Maybe you tried to impress her by ordering her the steak and then noticed the PETA pin on her purse (the alliteration from the last post is coming back to haunt me). Or maybe you took her ice skating without realizing that some type of balance is required to glide in circles for hours at a time. Either way, with this new and completely improved dating method, you simply take a knee and someone can step in for you. Maybe someone with a better net game.

It's thoughts like these that prevent me from being able to focus on only one thing at once. It's my lack of ability to focus on one thing at once that screws me up on dates. And it's for this very reason I'm so qualified to be writing a book on a whole new way of dating.