Dear Craig,

You may not know me, and that's probably all for the better given the lot of people who advertise on your site, but I have a few complaints I'd like to bring to the table. I've been scanning your so-called list lately and there are a few things I just can't take any more of.

1. Design
You may argue that the design is intentionally simplistic, and I support you in that. I took the same approach to my blog. I did not, however, go as far as you did in making my site completely bland to the eyes. I don't even know how to describe the colors you've combined here. There's a whole palette of colors and it looks like you went with a nice combination of brown. On top of brown. With small white boxes. Holding blue links. I'm not sure where you went to design school, Craig, but I'm guessing it was somewhere in Kansas (I decided to pick on Kansas here because I have no readers in Kansas. Sure, 49 other states were available in the same category, but I digress).

2. Alphabetics
I thought alphabetics sounded like a good fake word, and, what do you know, my computer's spell check didn't have a problem with it. I guess it wasn't so fake after all (although it did just have an issue with the word "wasn't." I wonder what that's about). That explanation took entirely too long.
Your list, Craig, has some different version of the alphabet than the one I subscribe to currently, so when I'm looking for electronics for sale, I have to search through far too many rows and columns to find that little subheading. There's only two options here: downgrade yourself to the actual English version of alphabetical order or upgrade the rest of us so we don't have to spend more time looking for the garden section than it takes to explain why we're looking for that section in the first place.

3. Frightening
I don't spend a terrible amount of time or energy searching through what you have to offer me, but I really can't help but exit your page with more than a little bit of an unsettled feeling inside of me. Like that feeling you get when you think someone's behind you and you turn around there is someone there and he's staring at you and he has a beard with more crumbs in it than one meal could possibly cause. Actually, that doesn't even begin to cover the overwhelming naseous sensation I just experienced when I noticed that you have a "baby+kids" category under for sale. You're a sick person, Craig (I can't help but wonder though, how do you determine a good price on a child? I desperately hope race doesn't even enter the equation, but we are in America. If a child is sick, do you have to put him on sale until he gets well? I feel like there needs to be a system for these things).

Well, Craig, I think we got something accomplished here. Change these few things and maybe I won't be so scared to meet the guy with the couch I need for my apartment.

Sincerely,
Michael