Destructive Relationships (and the Fun They Can Be)

I've noticed that I cover a lot of controversial topics in my blog: Microsoft, combining volleyball and dating into one massive encouragement-fest, craigslist (no, you don't deserve to be capitalized, craig), and even Dollar General. This one is far beyond those though. I could lose some of my readers, which, when you only have 5, is a big risk.

I'm going to do it though. I'm going to discuss the inherent value of a destructive relationship. It's different than what you think. They aren't valuable because they teach you who not to be with, or the pain associated with them strengthens you, or even because they make you appreciate it when you really find "the one" (or the next one, or the one after that one).

No, no, no. You're mistaken. Their value lies in completely different places. In my normal list-like style, I'll show you a few of the areas I've discovered.

1. Isolationism
No man is an island, but you can sure try. If you're looking to get rid of your pesky friends quicker than the U.S. could ever dream of, a destructive relationship is a good place to start. Your friends will have all of these "caring" things to say to you, such as "he's no good for you" or "no one deserves to be abused" or "she's cheating on you," giving you a perfect opportunity to ignore them and invalidate any friendships you held. With all the people who care about you out of the way, it'll be much easier to focus on the one who doesn't.

2. Stubbornness
Nothing shows a stronger will than a person who's willing to hold on so tightly to a person who barely notices their existence. All the better if the person is abusive. If the person is constantly dehumanizing you and you keep coming back, all of your friends and loved ones will marvel at your stronger than Hulk-like resolve (if you got the embedded comic book joke, good for you).

3. Self esteem
To quote The Offspring song of the same name, "The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care, right? Yeah!" You can gain pride in the fact that you consistently return to the person who shows you just how worthless you really are. Nothing builds self esteem more than clinging to a person despite their less than amorous feelings towards you.

4. Baggage
There's something about having to move on after 2 years of a relationship that didn't nourish you at all. You have a lot of leftovers that stick with you longer than the ones from Thanksgiving. This can be useful when you're to the point of finding a whole new relationship, because it's almost guaranteed that you won't look for anything better than what you're used to, because, hey, why do you deserve it?

I personally try to enter a new destructive relationship every 2 months or so, but I'm an underachiever. Show me up, try for 5 or 6 in a month. You already know the benefits.