A Guy's Guide for Girls on Getting a Great Guy

The art of picking a man is more of a finely honed craft than it is a random encounter. Regardless of how it may appear, there is no coincidental bumping into each other, no innocent glances across a crowded room, no random crossing of paths. It is all, in fact, planned by those who know exactly what they're doing and exactly who they're looking for.

If you meet a man who has been single for a considerable amount of time (read: more than 2 weeks), there are only two options. He is either A. reserved for later use by one of your own kind (once she is done with her other random flings) or B. proven to be unworthy of attention altogether. There is no other option. Avoid these types at all costs; they are of no use to you.

Rather, focus your sights on those already receiving an overabundance of female fixation. They may have attained more than it would seem they deserve, but pay no mind to this. They crave more, so give them more.

If you're still concerned, it's understandable. The men you are looking for haven't been presented too clearly yet. Here, let me introduce you to a few.

1. Chip Washington
Chip is on the football team. That's really the only option for you if your name is Chip, so that's what he does. Well, that or coming up with the new flavor of Doritos (I'll give you a hint, it should have the word "cheese" in it somewhere). He's probably the punter and may not even be first string, but he's still on the football team. Bask in his excellence as much as possible, this guy could be as close as you ever get to Peyton Manning, and with a smaller forehead too. Football players are notoriously faithful and thoughtful to the feelings of females, especially when playing at the college level, so be sure to flirt it up with Chip on a regular basis.

2. Luke Wilder
You may know him by one of his many aliases. One undoubtedly describes just how masculine he really is (and, incidentally, was made up by him as well) and one probably makes use of the obvious pun with his name and another word for vomit. Whatever the case, Luke consumes more alcohol than the majority of France on a nightly basis. The negative people you know probably consider this an unappealing quality, but think about how much more fun it makes him. Spending your time with Luke will open the door for countless times to start a story with "Man, we were so wasted last night..."

3. Kyle Smith
Ignoring the fact that his name is as generic as his personality, you want to meet Mile High Kyle. He's just slightly more promiscuous than Nelly Furtado, Justin Timberlake and Timbaland combined, but that shouldn't be any of your concern. Just because he was that way with all the other girls doesn't mean he'll be that way with you, right? And even if he is, maybe it's just something you need to do if you want to be with that crowd.

These are just guidelines, a frame of reference for you to know which direction is north on the charm compass you use to navigate the uneven seas of love. If you can find a singular man who combines all of the above features, all the better. Just know that you will never be satisfied until you attain someone exactly like one of the guys described. There are far too many guys out there who will care for you for who you are and not what you look like after a couple of beers or when you're less than fully dressed. Avoid these types, as they may show you there is something truly valuable about you.